The pie shall be cut in two, and each man shall receive...death. I'll eat the pie 

Two kids from Honolulu come out to watch Spiceman and the Seven Dwarves LA Galaxy in an exhibition match. After the game, David Beckham notices the kids (who apparently are best friends) holding up signs, and gives his shirt to one of them; it's not clear who he meant to give it to.

Parents of kid #1 suggest that they share the jersey. Parents of kid #2 agree.

The next night, parents of kid #2 magically produce another Beckham shirt with an unrecognizable Sharpie mark on it which they claim is Beckham's signature and try to pass it off on kid #1, then decide that kid #2 is going to keep the original shirt. Lawsuits ensue.

Who says American soccer is boring?


Securities and Exchange Commission to begin testing for performance-enhancing drugs 

No, not really, but perhaps they should.


Retarded scorekeepers 

During Thursday's UCLA-Western Kentucky game, Kevin Love threw a pass the length of the court to Russell Westbrook, who took a dribble and naturally blew the layup, leaving James Keefe to clean up the garbage to make the score 48-30. Of course I heckled Westbrook loudly for costing Love an assist. One of my friends then claimed that it wouldn't have counted as an assist since Westbrook took a dribble.

I did some research, and apparently some scorekeepers do use the rule that any dribble by the scorer negates any assist, as shown in Love's zero-assist box score line from the game below:

Naturally, these are probably the same scorekeepers who had all of America thinking that Greg Paulus was an elite point guard because his passing allowed JJ Redick to drain threes with guys in his face 5.2 times a game in 2006.

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