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11.28.2006

International chess federation to introduce drug testing 

That's right, FIDE is instituting random drug checks at the Asian Games this week.. 'Cause you know, we can't have performance-enhancing drugs threatening the integrity of this game.

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on marijuana: (picks up king and stares at the polish for 3 hours)

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on anabolic steroids: Pawn takes rook, bishop, knight and queen, CHECKMATE, BITCH! (knocks over opponent's entire army)

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on amphetamines: Knight takes rook. Knight takes rook. Knnnnnight tttttakes rrrrook. Knnnnight tttttakes rrrroook. KNNNIGHTTTTT TTTTAKES RRRRRROOK!

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on LSD: Pink elephant takes dancing statue. Look fellas, it's Lucy in the sky!

Comments:

I'm disappointed that FIDE caved in. The Olympics had been requesting it for years, but didn't let the banned substanince list be empty.
 


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