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11.28.2006

PSA + Christmas gift suggestion 

Do you have annoying relatives, coworkers or other acquaintences and want to get them a Christmas present? Give them the gift of the LA Times. Sit back and enjoy, knowing that soon they will have LA Times telemarketers calling them three times a day (whether or not they eventually unsubscribe from the rag).

International chess federation to introduce drug testing 

That's right, FIDE is instituting random drug checks at the Asian Games this week.. 'Cause you know, we can't have performance-enhancing drugs threatening the integrity of this game.

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on marijuana: (picks up king and stares at the polish for 3 hours)

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on anabolic steroids: Pawn takes rook, bishop, knight and queen, CHECKMATE, BITCH! (knocks over opponent's entire army)

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on amphetamines: Knight takes rook. Knight takes rook. Knnnnnight tttttakes rrrrook. Knnnnight tttttakes rrrroook. KNNNIGHTTTTT TTTTAKES RRRRRROOK!

Normal player: Rook to e1, check.
Player on LSD: Pink elephant takes dancing statue. Look fellas, it's Lucy in the sky!

11.21.2006

Peter Jackson cut from production of The Hobbit 

Oh well. Hope he can recover the $100 million that New Line Cinema supposedly owes him.

I thought Jackson did an excellent job of making LOTR feel like an epic. The scenery and score were outstanding. The dialogue was overdramatized at times (Samwise Gamgee in particular needed either to switch to decaf or to smoke more Longbottom leaf). However, Jackson did manage to work in most of the great quotes from the book (even if he rearranged some of them).

As for the modifications he made to the plot, well...

- The emphasis on Aragorn and Arwen's relationship was unnecessary. Besides, everyone knows that Eowyn was way cuter and way more important to the plot.

- Merry tricking Treebeard into walking towards Isengard and seeing the destruction of the Old Forest firsthand, when in the book the Ents had already decided to rise up against Saruman...ugh.

- Having Frodo dismiss Sam over the missing lembas...grr.

- In ROTK, it is never really explained why Denethor has gone mad (because he has seen Aragorn in the Palantir and knows that the true King has returned).

- Leaving out the Scouring of the Shire...I know everyone's butts are going numb at that point in the film, but it's kind of important.

"The Hobbit" is mainly an adventure tale, fairly low on characterization and doesn't particularly need Jackson's imagination to be brought to life; any half-decent director should be able to turn it into a box-office smash. That being said, I think the results would be quite hilarious if, say, John Woo were to direct the movie.

The jig is up 

Okay, so this post from two days ago was not written by me. As a result of losing a bet on the Michigan-Ohio State game against a hobo, I had to allow him to leave a post on my blog for 48 hours without explaining it. However, I would guess that most regular readers of this blog figured that it was intended to be facetious in some way.

Anyway, one ref screwed Michigan. Not by calling the drive-extending dangerous hit foul on Shawn Crable, but by blocking one of the Michigan defenders when Chris Wells sprung his TD run up the middle in the second quarter. C'est la vie. Overall, Michigan played a not-too-horrible game in perhaps the most hostile environment in the country and lost by 3, the typical point margin that Vegas bookies assign to home-field advantage.

Fortunately, USC is going to lay an egg against UCLA in two weeks, setting up the Michigan-Ohio State rematch in Arizona.

11.20.2006

BCS clusterf**k 

Each college football team in the list below beat the one immediately below it this year.

Wisconsin-Whitewater (Div 3)
Wisconsin-Lacrosse (Div 3)
South Dakota State (Div 1-AA)
Cal-Davis (Div 1-AA)
Montana State (Div 1-AA)
Portland State (Div 1-AA)
New Mexico
Texas-El Paso
Tulane
Rice
Tulsa
Navy
UConn
Indiana
Western Michigan
Virginia
NC State
Boston College
Virginia Tech
Cincinnati
Rutgers
Louisville
Kansas State
Texas
Oklahoma
Washington
UCLA
Oregon State
USC
Arkansas
Auburn
Florida

Or if you like, we have the following chain of teams above Montana State:

Harvard (Div 1-AA)
Cornell (Div 1-AA)
Princeton (Div 1-AA)
Lehigh (Div 1-AA)
Villanova (Div 1-AA)
James Madison (Div 1-AA)
New Hampshire
Northwestern
Iowa
Montana
Montana State

11.19.2006

Car overturned, couches and trash cans set ablaze 

Stay classy, Columbus.

11.18.2006

Refs Screwed Us 

Jim Tressel continued his domination of Lloyd Carr today as Ohio State beat Michigan 42-39 to advance to the national championship game. Maybe we would have had a chance if the refs hadn't called a phantom personal foul late in the game to let Troy Smith complete the game winning touchdown.

Like all Michigan fans, I foolishly believed Chad Henne and Mike Hart would win this game. It was close, but the Buckeyes' Heisman winning quarterback once again ripped my heart out. I haven't cried this hard since the first three times I watched Titanic.

Time to go back to my DVD collection. I will find comfort in Leonardo DiCaprio's dreamy eyes.

11.17.2006

Rest in peace 

Bo Schembechler, 1929-2006.

11.16.2006

Another reason Tufts isn't Ivy League 

Tufts women have awful taste in men.

11.09.2006

I just threw up in my mouth 

Here are a couple of guys from Bank of America performing a cover of U2's "One".

11.01.2006

Keep digging 

Certainly two of John Kerry's most prominent traits are his twofacedness and general douchebaggery. Despite this characterization, I think it is very plausible that his target was Bush, not the US Army, when he made the now-infamous comment about getting stuck in Iraq.

However, this seems like one of those situations which could be best solved by a simple apology instead of by a bitter, hamfisted counteroffensive.

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