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5.08.2005

Man finds severed finger in frozen custard, refuses to return it 

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If this miser files a lawsuit against the dessert shop, I hope that the jury considers that a guy who pockets someone else's severed finger probably hasn't suffered any emotional distress from finding it -- at least nothing worthy of financial compensation.

Actually, come to think of it, the guy might be better off producing a monkey's hand and a chimp's foot in court. He could claim that seeing the severed digit screwed him up to the point where he has a psychologically abnormal and morbid fascination with body parts, thereby causing him to become a social pariah and causing him great emotional distress. Yeah, that's the ticket.

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